That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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