Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
