It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
