i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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