the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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