You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
