Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I am naked and annoyed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
