youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
