My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
