So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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