well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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