This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
