I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.