I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
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There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
this is an emotional support booty call
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.