Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.