how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.