i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!