I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.