i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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