he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
