i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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