Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
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