She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
