Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize