I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
