people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
