yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
