So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Where is the hickey?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
