I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The air was thick with penises
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
