The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
