There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My feet surprised me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
