Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
