No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
