We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
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I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.