Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races