i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
