saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
