i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
