It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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