I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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