Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
