Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
