1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
