If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize