it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
