You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
