why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
