I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
