Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
