Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
