nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
