My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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