wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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