You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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