Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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