I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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