gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
