so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
