By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
