It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
