I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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