so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
