your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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