I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
