I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
