its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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