Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
