dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
