Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
