I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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